Friday, March 29, 2013

Smug Bitch Marketing: The Last Big Thing - over before it begins

The Last Psychiatrist: Don't Hate Her Because She's Successful

sheryl sandberg time magazine cover.jpg
the first thing you noticed is her great outfit
and the first thing I noticed is she's covering her wedding ring 
this is why you are anxious and I am Alone
 
 
Today in the United States and the developed world, women are better off than ever before. But the blunt truth is that men still run the world...

It is time for us to face the fact that our revolution has stalled. A truly equal world would be one where women ran half of our countries and companies and men ran half of our homes. The laws of economics and many studies of diversity tell us that if we tapped the entire pool of human resources and talent, our performance would improve.


I.

Sheryl Sandberg is the future ex-COO of Facebook, and while that sounds like enough of a resume to speak on women in the workplace, note that her advice on how to get ahead appears in Time Magazine.  Oh, you thought that Sandberg's book is news worthy in itself, how could you not do a story on this magnificence?  No, this is a setup, the Time Magazine demo is never going to be COO of anything, as evidenced by the fact that they read Time Magazine.  Much more importantly, they are not raising daughters who are going to be COO of anything.  So why is this here? 

The first level breakdown is that this is what Time readers want, they want a warm glow and to be reassured that the reason they're stuck living in Central Time is sexism.  This demo likes to see a smart, pretty woman succeed in a man's world, as long as "pretty" isn't too pretty but "wearing a great outfit" and that man's world isn't overly manly, like IBM or General Dynamics, yawn, but an aspirational, Aeron chair "creative" place that doesn't involve calculus or yelling, somewhere they suspect they could have worked had it not been for sexism and biological clocks.  We all know Pinterest is for idiots.  Hence Facebook.


II.

If you are still suspicious that Sandberg's appearance in Time has nothing to do with her book or with women becoming COOs but is about something else, look through the newsstand for the other magazine in which Sandberg is prominently featured: Cosmo.  


cosmo sandberg.jpgthe first thing you noticed is her great outfit
and the first thing I noticed is she's showing her wedding ring



This is the mag she felt compelled to guest edit, an issue that also has "The Money, The Man, The Baby: Get What You Want," by future Labor Secretary Kim Kardashian. No one reads Cosmo to become a COO, no one who reads Cosmo could become a COO, because-- and I'm just guessing-- they think the the secret formula for success is Dream Job + The Right Partner + Great Wardrobe = Yes I Can!  Well, you can't, not with those priorities.   Each of those may be desirable, but when placed together as an equation it is revealed to be nothing but outward branding, and the consequence is that even if you get all three you will still be unsatisfied.
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